So, I'm gonna start where I left off yesterday, this time with a different game. It's a version of jenga made up of 2x4s with positive expressions written on them, and a separate pile of darker stained 2x4s with negative expressions. They're all cut 'bout a foot in length. The goal is for each person in our group to slip a "brick" out from under the top, read the expression with a cheery tone in our voice, and set it aside. After we do so, we're to grab a stained brick from the pile and read it to ourselves before intonatin' the negative response we'll react to. After doin' so, we place that brick on top.
You can see where this is goin', right? I saw it as, the reinforcements we receive allow us to give of ourselves in light..but, we'll inevitably get bombarded with a negative to contradict that and the darkness will have us crumblin', topplin' over, breakin'. I call this Kujenga Down, as Kujenga is the Swahili word we refer to as jenga, which means "to build"..but, this one's full of downs that bring it down.
While we went through this game, I recalled my feelings of elation when I received complimentary encouragement and how I felt when I was barraged with the voices stabbin' into my heart. I'd realized, once again, how this has been the whole of my life as I grew up tryin' to find some kinda way for myself. All this poisonous rain I've soaked up has had me numb, drownin' in the sorrows that've wrecked my spirit. I've been unable to keep myself together, I've not stood tall while I carried all this weight on my shoulders, but have fainted. I've been crawlin' 'til I start to slip into the puddles of mire that keep me in the sludge.
Now that I've realized how these experiences have had effect on me, I can be more aware as I venture further into my journey. I can look up to The One who will hold me and lift my head, Who can give me the strength to stand up against that which continues to try and destroy my soul.
And, while I can't go back and change the past that's put me where I am now, I can realize who I can be and how I can handle how my life goes from this point on.
It's amazin' how somethin' can open your eyes, yeah?
I'm thankful I've been relieved of those places and can continue to work for the betterment of me. With God, I don't have to break down, and I know He'll lift me up. I'm reminded that He says when we're in the water afraid of sinkin' He's there and will not let it overtake us. He's been good to bring me through these fights. He's still been here when I've wondered why things have happened and where He's been. He tells me that I can get through this and not let the reckless life I've lead take control of my heart, my mind. For, He's greater than all these things I've been allowed to overcome by His grace.
Those people that hurt me, I'll leave them all to Him who will avenge me. He'll pull me outta the dark places my mind can wander under the stressors and pressure of those who do me wrong. I can move on from bein' haunted by these scars I see that say I'm weak, for they're my battle wounds and I've beaten the odds. I can take a deep breath and know in His silence there's peace. I can do this.
This is such a relevant song.
Copyright February 17th, 2019 owned by C.L. Chapps