My Language to Yours

Saturday, February 16, 2019

I Don't Say (Good)BYE!

For some time now I've not known how to express things I've gone through, or thought or felt in this blog I've started to do just that.

I've been stuck in memories that're hauntin' particularly, the worst act upon my life previously..but, also my present life.

I'm always bein' left, in one way or another, feelin' abandoned.

This has caused me to shy away from the awkward moments when somethin' has to come to an end with someone, or even my animals' passin'. I truly have resigned myself to NEVER utterin' those words, and even have to remind others that I don't say them, I won't.

I'll catch myself at times when someone I love says it to me so casually, but it'll never come outta my mouth and if, on the very rare occasion, I hesitantly mutter it, I regret that those may be my last words to another. I'll admit, though, that I have written it out while in the midst of a tumultuous pain I'd rather be rid of in my life, when I've hoped to just cut the negative off.
But, those words are painful to me, I don't take them lightly. 

I'm tryin' not to delve into the main reason why even now, but it's hard not to let loose my emotions surroundin' somethin' that seems so simple to everyone else.
My heart stops when I hear those words, though. 

I've held myself back from havin' to say such even, never mindin' those I could allow into my life, for I've seen waaay too many come and go, especially throughout my time as an AF brat and NAVY wife. I've lost too many dear friends and loved ones, as well.

I won't say such a thing flippantly. There's too much wrapped inside that 3-7 letter word, I don't even know why a BYE should be considered Good, either. The ones I've heard have always caused me sadness and heartbreak. It's a word that fills me with upset.

But, there's another way I've chosen to look at the simple ends in conversation, an upcomin' absence of friends, or the blatant mystery of abrupt abandonment and it was affirmed in a statement someone wrote to me as I was left bloomin' into young womanhood on my own.

"This is just a bypass, until we meet again."

This song is exactly what I mean.

Copyright February 16th, 2019 by C.L. Chapps

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