I sit here in awe and amazement after gettin' through, once again, yet another surgery. My 33rd surgery.
It was supposed to be much more invasive than it'd turned out to be, and I'm so thankful it wasn't. While I recuperate I can't help but feel relief though I've pain, and internal healin' that must take place over time.
This, by far, became one of the simplest procedures I've ever undergone. I'm still on the edge while waitin' on diagnoses from biopsies that I pray have no sign of cancer. However, it's a burden lifted to hear the doctor's say that everything looked and went great. Things that were found to mend after 2 other exploratories are gone, disappeared. There'll be no major operations that must be decided ASAP by a whole team of surgeons. Of course, though, there's the issue that I still must fight the rest of my life through a journey uncertain, as there's known irreversible damage that will eventually, without a miracle from God, lead to the inevitable much more quickly than an expected lifespan witherin' away. But...
I'm appreciative to my gracious God who's caused me to reflect on just how new His mercies are every mornin'.
Before this nerve rackin' day, I'd opened my Bible to a passage in Isaiah that spoke exactly the words I needed to hear to ease my anxious mind. It brought me to tears to read 43:2.."When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;the flames will not set you ablaze." I sat, cryin' and prayin' and feelin' the pressure to release myself into Almighty's plan for me, to not give into the negative idle thoughts plaguing my mind with "what if"s.
This was the first time I wasn't scared enough to have tears run down my cheeks as I lay there on that gurney. In fact, I was told that goodness worked through me for others that were 'round, since my spirit was so "pleasant" and my smile graced others hearts. I don't take any credit for the tone God set as the stage durin' such a time.
It's just been nice to finally let go and let God, truly. He's proven to me that what I've always wished to believe, I can. I now have a different attitude while in communion with Him. My prayers are different. The spiritual gifts that've blessed me are more in sync with my life.
I'd prayed that He shelter me under His wings and yet lemme soar like an eagle. As I was lyin' back lookin' out the window on the way home from the hospital, an eagle perched atop a pier post locked eyes with me 'til out of view. I felt His presence..that He saw me.
I thought of how I've lived my whole life thinkin' I'd know how He's usin' me, but realized He'll forever be callin' me to do for His glory, no matter. He's used my afflictions to pull me closer to Him. Through my infirmities His love surrounds me and gives me hope. There's a deeper understandin', a deeper relationship developin'. Only He can make me whole. Only His grace redeems my soul and revives my spirit. His mercies have and do make me new, every mornin'. My head's lifted under His strength. I've the reminders to live as He'll allow me to. He will fill me with strength as He heals my heart, my body. In Him I'm held above where this world would place me, for I'm different than my old self before I knew Him. His salvation cleanses me. I know I cannot fail in any way as long as I trust Him with my all. I mustn't any longer live in tragic fear.
This New Year has begun upon a foundation I pray doesn't crumble from the harsh realities I know will be thrown in amongst the struggles of ordinary everyday life. I'm clingin' to the verses in Lamentations 3:22-25.."Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.' The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him."
I've a devotional known as Jesus Calling. So far, the main theme for January has been from the well known verse of Jeremiah 29:11.."For I know the plans I have for You", declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I dunno how y'all New Year holiday has begun you into the start of 2019, but I do hope it's well or will get better. I wish y'all a bountiful year with seasons of change, growth and revival..in the spirit and of the heart. I pray for y'all to keep the faith and persevere.
I hope this song is upliftin' and a help to those who wish for life to be made anew. Happy New Year to y'all! I hope we can all sing this song throughout our year.
Copyright January 4th, 2019 owned by C.L. Chapps