My Language to Yours

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Destruction or Destiny

Christa McAuliffe and Judith Resnick.

I was just over 3 months shy of my 7th birthday when I watched, in great distress, the Space Shuttle Challenger launch and fail. It held within it, the lives of 2 women I'd looked up to in my own wish to float among the stars. That wish came to a crashing halt, literally. To this day, I can't lift my head to the sky without feelin' an overwhelmin' sense of an off balanced equilibrium and an oncomin' anxiety attack.

I'd had a knack for natural brilliance and the longin' to teach others..qualities they, too, held. My heart slumped as I sat in a circle on the floor of my 2nd grade classroom, a military place I thought was the safest in my li'l world. I saw the fire, the smoke, the pieces of life fallin' into the ocean. I felt, for the 1st time, that my li'l piece of the planet wasn't okay, and I was afraid. I remember after that, I'd freak out every time an airplane came over or through our air base. I'd hold my ears and feel a dizziness causin' me to shake.

However, in order to conquer my fear of goin' into space, I thought I should start a li'l more close to the ground. So, in 3rd and 4th grade I had thought that I could become the 1st female Thunderbird pilot. Well, that backfired 'cause I'd gotten glasses in between, which was before these eye surgeries to correct vision.

The next occupation I thought I'd like to venture into was veterinary, to work with and help animals. I'd been inspired by Francine Patterson and Koko while doin' research for a 5th grade report. At that time, I thought I had to go all the way to California from South Carolina, so it was impossible to me.

Since those 4 years of schoolin', I've had many other notions and hair brained schemes cross my mind to consider that which could and would never come to be for me. But, I do know now that some of the things I've been through growin' up have brought me to where I am today.

I can see that my present reality stems from those formative years of carin' for the various invalids, bein' the mentor of children and companion for those needin' assistance to get through their lives. I've reared many children before my own and helped the mentally  and physically disabled gain their own independence. All of this has prepared me for the task at hand..keepin' the homefires burnin' for a husband at sea while leadin' my own special needs family through the lessons of this life. I've never had a second thought that this isn't where I should be. I could be angry at the failed attempts, the changin' tides that swept away my dreams..but, I know my purpose was and is laid out long before I was even born and can breathe. Yeah, I could've been an architect, a designer, a singer or so on..but, my place is here, for now.

Has anythin' ever caused you to realize that which you'd wish for yourself would never come to be when you knew the risks you'd rather not take? Those memories of moments that remove us from ourselves and bring us back to a horrible place in our minds that forbid any future longin'? Is there any other way to see the other side of the coin? What happens when life doesn't go accordin' to how we wish it to be? What 'bout when our plans fail and leave us wonderin' what the next step will lead to and where, why? Some things are just mysterious and we need to accept that they'll all work out for our good and in the end we'll understand.

No matter what we've undergone in our childlike selves, or as we're adults today, there's always another way to look at things...a positive way. My Daddy always taught me that there's a way to see the good in the negative. My Momma always taught me to never go through life on just feelings alone.

If I believe there's reasonin' for everythin' that happens, I must believe there are some things that just change our fate and somethin' else will be brought into our lives to desire and try our best to attain. It's okay if the path of life we'll walk may have upsets 'cause we don't acquire what we'd rather have for ourselves. Sometimes, through this time of change we crumble at the sight of what we feel's a destruction of our innermost life. Through others, we can learn a lot. There is wisdom in every action and cause and effect. There's sometimes pain. At times there's the lightbulb that sheds light on another way for us to be. What we become, what happens to us, is all in the hands of The Maker.

I encourage y'all to keep wishin' and followin' your stars, but also to not fret if changes must take place that alter your course. You will find your place in this ever changin' world.

Always remember that you're here for a reason and there's a plan for you. I hope this song helps y'all not feel lost in your journey.

Copyright November 10, 2018 owned by C.L. Chapps

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